I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just want to make out with him forever
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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