so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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