I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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