arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
