I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
