I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
