Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
