I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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