Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
