I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
