The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
