I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
