He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
