Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A bitchslap is in order.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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