Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
