You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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