the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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