Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
