don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
