And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
