Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
