You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
