I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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