dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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