Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
