1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
