They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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