i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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