im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
