When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
