whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
