I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
