just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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