Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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