But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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