Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
