Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
