woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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