I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
