yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
