Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
