You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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