I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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