Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
