I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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