ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
