Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
pop tarts are not kleenex
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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