His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had to cum in my sink.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
