im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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