Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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