I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
