I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
